Guest Post: Aesop Rock on Scones

January 26th, 2008 | Category: Breakfast

Aesop Rock is truly tortured by scones.What the fuck is up with scones? A muffin, I understand. A muffin is a nice plump soft cake-like flavored breakfast treat, best when fresh, and even better warm. It makes total sense to me. Wake up, coffee, muffin: Cool. Not necessarily my “thing,” but okay, fine.

Then you have the scone. I actually heard they were originally invented by accident (which isn’t that hard to believe). Honestly, who the fuck mixes together all the ingredients from your basic muffin or cake, along with some cool mix-ins, and then consciously decides to add whatever it is they put in them to make them into the solid brick of extra dry and tasteless sheet rock they are? And who the fuck decided that, upon the making of the first-ever scone, this was an acceptable breakfast item? It’s so obviously a mistake. Nobody could’ve baked that thing and then been like, “Perfect! It’s just what I was aiming for!” or “No, dammit, not dry enough! More flour!” I mean seriously people, what the fuck?

So, several years back me and El-P were living maybe six to eight blocks away from each other in Brooklyn. The hood had your average handful of bodegas, one or two decent spots for some coffee, pizza, Chinese, etc. The kinda place where, when new businesses came and went people would notice. Like, “Oh they’re opening a bagel spot there….. Oh, this sandwich spot is closing,” etc. Anyway, so this new place opens up a block from El’s, between our cribs, and their specialty? Scones. Yes, that’s right, an entire store owned and operated for the purpose of selling scones. They had coffee, sure, but their main item was in fact the ever-curious scone.

The ever-curious SconeNaturally, our collective reaction was something like, “What the fuck? That place sells scones? Like, that’s it? That’s the store?” Our second reaction was, “That place will be gone in six months.” However, like any community-oriented members of society when the store finally opened its doors we soon found ourselves saying a phrase I never thought I’d ever have to say in my life: “Let’s check out that scone spot.”

Sure enough… Warm scones for all, and tons of flavors, chocolate chip, peanut butter, berries of all nations, and the list goes on. And while I wasn’t a huge fan of the scone in theory, how can you turn it down when it’s right there? So, all of the sudden, I was thrown into this several-month period of my life when I found myself eating scones at least twice a week. I’m not even sure I liked them, they were still weird, still dry as ever, yet this store somehow made them seem like I should be accepting them into my normal inner-mind’s breakfast-menu (of which they had never been a part before). Like, I never before had found myself waking up and thinking should I go get a bagel, or maybe some diner food, or maybe a scone, but now a scone was not only an option, it was an option that was begging to be taken advantage of merely because of the odd nature of the shop. In short, I felt I had to eat the scones because I had never seen a scone-store. I wanted to understand the scone, because it was now obvious that someone out there was taking them incredibly seriously — seriously enough to think it was a good idea to cough off some cashola on some BK store-front real estate based entirely on their faith in their scone recipe.

Anyway, eventually the store closed, (as I’d assume most scone stores would). Admittedly, I kinda missed it. There was definitely a moment of “did you see the scone spot closed?” (Another phrase you wouldn’t think you’d ever need to say, along with any other phrase that includes the term ‘scone spot'”.) However, I can’t really say that I ever reached that point of truly understanding what business the scone had in the breakfast world.

And I still don’t.

Me and El also eventually moved out of that neighborhood.

But my question is, what’s up with scones?


Aesop Rock

P.S. I should add that if my story seems open-ended it’s because it is. My quest continues. Scones remain a giant question mark in my life. I don’t understand them. Help me.

Aesop Rock’s None Shall Pass (Definitive Jux) is in stores now.

Further Posting:


  • scones throw records said:

    Ask The Streets, it’s a British thing.

  • Gabi Wan Kenobi said:

    Well, I’m not British, but I’ve had them my whole life. My Moms would often make them on a Saturday morning (insert pancakes or waffles as the other mid-cartoon-marathon syrup-soakers). Admittedly, Aesop, they are a bit dry, when compared to ‘cakes or waffles, but if you drown those little fuckers in enough maple syrup (drooling at the thought of it)… Heavenly. I do think it would be curious to see a “scone spot,” though. I used to live next to this rad bakery that had scones included in their repertoire (Roy, remember the orange-currant ones with the frosty topping?), but not solely devoted to them. Hope this helps and that you can sleep soundly after the thought of scones.

  • said:

    Aesop Rock on Scones…

    Aesop Rock is truly tortured by the scone: “What the fuck is up with scones? A muffin, I understand. A muffin is a nice plump soft cake-like flavored breakfast treat, best when fresh, and even better warm. It makes total sense to me. Wake up, coffee, …

  • mary said:

    Scones are good. I happen to think most muffins are too greasy/oily, so scones are perfect. they aren’t too greasy or sweet (although, admittedly, some are) and are the perfect coffee companion. Don’t give up your quest!

  • pampelmoose Dave Allen of Gang of Four’s Music and Media Blog » » Aesop Rock on Scones said:

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  • links for 2008-01-31 | Under The Dog said:

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  • porkfoot said:

    seems the perfect item for dipping in some creamy sugar filled coffee don’t it???
    I would let it go. Everybody gots their own thing, everybody gots their own swing.
    seriously want to help your scone dilema dude. I live in the bay area and never got real stoked on them but never thought they were a total mistake.

  • shabooty said:

    if that was near dumbo, they should have saved that shit to feed to the elephants…

  • s said:

    they’re for dipping, like biscotti, which is something else that isn’t terribly pleasant on its own, but which is really satisfying dunked in milky tea.

  • Patrick said:

    I hate scones. But I think I hate them because I havent been exposed to them too much. I think thats the reason why you hated them. Im sure if I started eating them a lot I would grow to like the scone and its personality.

  • Brennan said:

    Aes – the object was not for you to understand the scone, but for the scone to understand you. It made its journey to America in search of our culture. Not the other way around. Peace.


  • patrick said:

    scones = what americans call biscuits. the ones you buy in a shop are necessarily terrible (or at least not-as-good) because when they are truly good they are too buttery/crumbly/delicate to make it much farther from the oven than your kitchen table. Try baking some at home (it’s easy, even if you are, like myself, not much of a baker) and you’ll see.


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  • yogita said:

    Not on the top of my list for breakfast foods, those scones. The decent ones I’ve eaten are crumbly not hard or dry. They are typically eaten with clotted cream and jelly.

    My best excuse for eating them is that they liven up the afternoon tea. And, yes, I grew up in what was a former British colony. ;)

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